I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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