I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
