so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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