Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
