So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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