babies were throwing up all over the place
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
