everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
