It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We are two peas in an std pod
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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