His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
