Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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