the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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