i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Houston, we have a blender
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
