I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
