The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
