Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
