Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
