you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I understand Curling. That high.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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