Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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