so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
