I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
