I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
