she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
