kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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