it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I am naked and annoyed.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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