I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
