Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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