i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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