I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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