I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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