why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
