i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
