i think my mom watched the whole time
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
