he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
