I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
