i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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