There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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