i think i have herpe
just one?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
