what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
