she takes plan B like it's going out of style
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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