billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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