I hate your face
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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