You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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