I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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