I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
COCAINE IS GR8
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
