i will never coherently bang her
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
