she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he thought i was a dude.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
