and you said cock pushups were impossible
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
