It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
