Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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