38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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