You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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