If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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